4.00 A.M.

See the title? Yes, last night I finally slept at that hour after had a really killing conversation with someone. She left me, again. And I couldn't done anything about it. She already made up her mind and she wasn't care about everything I said. Yes, that night I realize that I cannot trust anyone. I also realize that hope, even a single glimpse of it, can kills. I love her, no doubt about that. But it seemed that she wasn't believe it. I love her, more than just a brother to his sister, I love her more than that, but she insisted to broke up and became just a brother and sister. I hate this thing. I was hurt, and I try to hurt myself physically, but it can't show how much I hurt, it's became too severe. Yes, and I made a mistake under my temporary insanity and confuseness. I blame her for everything that happened. I wanted to die, and I blame the reason to her, because she decided to left me and broke up. In the end, still under my temporary insanity, I tell her that I wanted to go away, just like she wanted a week ago. I mean it. I do really want to go away, because she seems can't understand the way i feel. Okay, be an adult. I know when I have to stop chasing after her, and maybe it's now. When she tells that she want to go away, then so be it. Yes, she is not need me anymore. I guess, it's time to say goodbye, forget me. Perhaps it's come to my turn to say it, she has said that before, and she took back her words. But this time, I guess, there is no turning back anymore. Yup, she's done with me. Thank you for the love you gave to me. Thank you for every memories that we had together in a very short time. Thank you, for make me can be my self, it's been a long time since the last time I do. Thank you, for everything. Forgive me, for every bad thing I've done to you, for cannot be like you want me to, for being such a jerk, for every bad words that I have said. Good bye, my dear... I'll love you, always......








(for my dearest J.K., I'm still love you, even I cannot show it)

Sorry

I do really sorry if I acted out like this.. It's fine if you say that I'm mean or cruel or anything like that. You know the truth, the whole truth, and I can't show everything anymore to you...I close my self, so that you'll become happier in your life. We've separated, and you asked me to go away, and I do it. It's all for the sake of your happiness. It's okay if you become mad at me, it's okay, it really is.

Eight Days After

It's been 8 days after i broke up with her. In the middle of that 8 days, i went to purwokerto for live-in, at first i try to not think about her at all on the live-in, but what happened is really the opposite. Every single second i spent in there, without any single glimpse of chance i can contact her, i thinking of her, i thinking of our relationship. Today, i finally do it, i tell her to leave, to live out her life, without me. Hard, it's really hard. She wasn't even want to meet me, beacuse it will make it hard to forget me if she does. Yes, I've been acted out like a child. I blame everything around me for things that happened to me, childish isn't it? Thanks, for time that we spent together. I can't forget you, it's too hard.

Souljah - Tak Selalu

Setelah semua yg pernah terjadi kini
Di setiap hari-hariku
Tak mau lagi diriku mengulangi
Kesalahan yg sama
Semua yg pernah kurasa,yg kucinta
Hilang sekejap mata
Semua yg pernah kurindu,yg kumau
Kinipun semua sirna

Reff :
Tak selalu (woo - oow)
Yg bekilau itu indah (woo - oow)
Tlah terbukti di dirimu (woo - oow)
Pergi dan sakitiku (woo - oow)

Sesaat kau memberikan harapan
Yg terjadi kau pergi dan tinggalkan
Semua yang ada di dalam hatiku
Menghilang dan kini semua tlah runtuh

Ari Lasso ft. Bunga Citra Lestari - Aku dan Dirimu

Tiba saatnya kita saling bicara
Tentang perasaan yang kian menyiksa
Tentang rindu yang menggebu
Tentang cinta yang tak terungkap
*courtesy of LirikLaguIndonesia.Net
Sudah terlalu lama kita berdiam
Tenggelam dalam gelisah yang tak teredam
Memenuhi mimpi-mimpimu malam kita

Reff:
Duhai cintaku, sayangku, lepaskanlah
Perasaanmu, rindumu, seluruh cintamu
Dan kini hanya ada aku dan dirimu
Sesaat di keabadian

Jika sang waktu kita hentikan
Dan segala mimpi-mimpi jadi kenyataan
Meleburkan semua batas
Antara kau dan aku, kita

Repeat reff

Source: http://liriklaguindonesia.net/ari-lasso-feat-bunga-citra-lestari-aku-dan-dirimu.htm#ixzz1rzkEcD00

And The Sky Rumbled

It's a story started from the last night, maybe from the last Wednesday night. Yes, it's 11 April, and it means it's been a month since I started this relationship with her. I'm happy, but maybe that day is also the beginning of everything that happened until today. It's only a guess, but i feel that it's started when her friend asked her about her confidence on starting a new relationship when she still can't forget her ex, she often cried about him (i don't know who is him actually, but i know he hurt her really bad). Yes, she started to remember her ex, and it was the beginning because after that she getting sad and felt that she was playing with my feeling and only made me an escape for her. Well, actually i don't really care about that, i don't really care if she was only made me an escape, maybe i've been blinded, but i don't care. Yes it's the beginning of this story. After that, I really felt that it was done, like the other problems we had past through, but it's exactly the opposite. Yes, on the 12 April it's started again. This time, I guess it was started when i left her because i'm a bit busy that time, i wasn't text her for about 30 minutes and voila her mood has ruined. Yeah, I know the sign of her mood being ruined, she answer with a really short answer and so on. And after that I began to search why her mood was ruined and bla bla bla. Thing that made me to think is, she asked me to get mad on her. At first, I can't but in the last, I get lost of my control. I get mad, I really get mad to her because of her childishness, she always wanted to be "a grown up person" but her attitude wasn't show even a single blink about it. In a short words, I get mad, and she wasn't expect that i'm going to be mad like that. In my mind, I have this thought that she maybe scared of my anger or felt that i was too uncontrolled, so the conclusion was she said that we're not know each other really well, and she asked to start over, she asked to return to when we're getting know each other, just like before we started this relationship. I can't do that, it's obvious. But she insisted, for the best of us, she said. And my protection was broke down, and sadly I accepted that. Things that sadden me more is when she told me to forget about her, everything, as she tried to forget about me also. I can't just forget her, but she seemed not care about it, she insisted to be alone for now, and I really felt that there is no future anymore for us, there will be no more relationship between us, we'll start over, and ended up as friend, just friend nothing more. And yes, that night, the sky rumbled, only once, and that's the sign of the end.